Our Final Thoughts on Inhumanoids

Noel

There's something about this odd little monkey of a show that I just can't help but love. It started out as absolute dreck, with awful designs, a flat concept, lousy animation, an indistinct vocal cast, and monsters that shriek and shriek and shriek. But instead of making it into a good show, they kicked this messy mess of a mess until it became a funny show, a gonzo show, a glorious tribute to just how awful it can be as it revels in every little bizarre notion that pops up in the creators' heads.

Where else would you have a show where the giant monster makes out with the Statue of Liberty, kidnaps her, then brings her to life as the nagging wife he never wanted, who wants him to cast aside his henchgoons and nefarious apocalyptic plots so he can do important things like shed some weight off his gut and make her a hottub. Where else would you have a young boy join a cult that turns him into a zombie, which allows him to finally get revenge on the brutal nerds of the Centerville Debate Team and finally ask out the girl he's been pining for. Where else would the most distinct member of the heroic team have his primary distinction be that he hurls his shoe through television sets that are the bearers of bad tidings, a joke that escalates to the point where the rest of the heroes permanently erect a net in front of their tv. Where else would you have a gorgeous movie star rolling her eyes as she operate the controls of a massive puppet being poorly hit on by a horny moron made out of plant tentacles. Where else would Hector Ramirez, a one-off Geraldo Rivera parody who made brief appearances in three past Sunbow properties, be so prominently featured and essential to several plots as to be worthy of the role of recurring guest star.

Inhumanoids: The Comic Books

Noel

In January of 1987, one month after the final episode of Inhumanoids aired, Marvel's Star Comics imprint started to release - as they did for every other Hasbro property they licensed/co-created - a comic book series. I don't know if the show had officially been cancelled by this point, or if they were hoping to keep the property alive in print, but the book lasted for four bi-monthly issues, ending in July of that year.

Inhumanoids: The Action Figures

Tony

Let’s face it, D’Compose and his grotesque cronies aren’t exactly your prototypical pitchmen, so it should come as no surprise that my research into Inhumanoids merchandising turned up little beyond the requisite toy line. In fact, the only non-toy I was able to find was a nifty looking coloring book. It’s hard to blame companies for not lining up to splash images of hideous mutants and heroes whose faces are obscured by masks on their products. Can you imagine hearing an announcer say "D’Compose-e-o’s are a part of this balanced breakfast!"? They were, however, very toyetic, and it’s here that this property truly shines.

Inhumanoids, episode 13: "Auger ... for President?"

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It's been three months since the last Inhumanoids attack, and Earth Corps is finding new ways to occupy its time. Liquidator clumsily hosts a series of tv science specials. Dr. Bright and his wife Stella battle a fake Tendrill in commercials for Mr. Foam shaving cream. Herc is on the Cover of News Speak. Sandra's been offered a cabinet position. The only one with nothing to do but sit around and watch tv is Auger.

Inhumanoids, episode 12: "The Masterson Team"

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As she lounges in Infernac, nagging Metlar, the Statue of Liberty watches Hector Ramirez on Twenty Questions introducing the team Senator Masterson has pulled together for his expedition to rescue her. Ramirez and Masterson themselves will be going, along with mustachioed leading man Dusty Aykroyd, former heavy-weight champion boxer Smokin' Joe Abdullah, film director George Landisberg (back from the previous episode), and famed French treasure hunter and explorer Jean Pierre Croissant. They'll journey into the Earth on four small dirigibles.

Inhumanoids, episode 11: "Primal Passions"

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Over a patch of jungle, a squadron of American jet fighters swoop in, investigating reports of a large creature. Squadron leader Brad Armbruster discovers and is attacked by Sslither - still accompanied by Blackthorne Shore - and his jet violently crashes. A rescue crew arrives at the wreck and doubts anything could have survived, but they hear Armbruster call out from the cockpit that he's still in there.

Inhumanoids, episode 10: "The Evil Eye"

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At Infernac, Metlar flies into a rage when Tendril informs him that Blackthorne and Dr. Manglar have awakened Gagoyle.

At their underground headquarters, Blackthorne and Manglar observe the Gagoyle, which has grown larger and larger as it continues to eat and eat. Manglar knocks Blackthorne into the creature's pit, where the Gagoyle swallows the man whole on Manglar's orders. Visible in the creature's stomach, Blackthorne pleads for his life and is spit up when he agrees to Manglar's demand of absolute obedience.

Inhumanoids, episode 9: "Negative Polarity"

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Deep within the Earth, Tank has teamed up with Crygen and Pyre, the halves of Magnokor, to track down a galvacite stone, which massively increases their magnetic abilities. They arrive at Infernac to confront Metlar, but he escapes.

Inhumanoids, episode 8: "The Cult of Darkness"

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A nerdy boy named Jeremy runs through the dark city streets of the night. He ducks in an alley where he's caught by a group of other nerdy kids, who accuse him of crossing the Centerville Debating Society, then toss him in a dumpster.

Inhumanoids, episode 7: "The Surma Plan"

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Picking up where the last episode left off, Blackthorne is running like hell from the enraged pursuit of Metlar. In another cave, Earth Corps tracks down the rogue Tendril 2 and kills him with a missile. They decide to head to the Granites so they can put an end to the original Tendril, unaware that he just burst his way free from his imprisonment.

Inhumanoids, episode 6: "Cypheroid"

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Hector Ramirez, host of 20 Questions, airs a report on the Inhumanoids, recapping the events of the previous five episode while, along with the rest of the media, grilling Earth Corps about their methods and the assistance they received from other mysterious creatures (the Mutors, who Earth Corps is trying to keep under wraps). It's also revealed that Blackthorne Shore is serving a 5 year sentence in The Glades, a swamp-based prison, where his cellmate is Dr. Herman Mangler, a geneticist "who was convicted of creating nightmare creatures in his private lab." Ramirez ends on the lingering question of what happened to the missing piece of Tendril.

Inhumanoids, episode 5: "The Evil That Lies Within, Part 5"

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It's the assault on the Russian military base again, with Tendril taking out all the defenses, D'Compose invading the barracks and turning the soldiers into zombies, and Metlar marching in with his army of statue warriors. The Inhumanoids tear through all opposition before getting their claws on a bunch of cluster missiles and retreating back into the Earth just as the sun starts to rise.

In the ruins of their HQ, Earth Corp, Sandra Shore, and the Mutores huddle around a campfire, debating their next course of action. A helicopter arrives, carrying Senator Masterson and General Krank. Earth Corps is pissed to see the Senator who cut their funding, doubly so when they realize Blathorne Shore is with them. Blackthorne is shackled and in custody, though, and Earth Corps is briefed about the missiles, Blachthorne revealing that Metlar plans to use them to destroy the Elemental Core, turning the surface of the world into a molten slag heap and filling the skies with smoke that will blot out the sun.

Inhumanoids, episode 4: "The Evil That Lies Within, Part 4"

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Herc and the Granites continue their battle within the city full of skeletal warriors. Though severely outnumbered, the heroes steadily cut through the opposition through teamwork and brute force.

Metlar berates Tendril for being unable to capture any energy from the power plant on the surface, all the while using a magma concoction to give life to the bronze Civil War statues the tentacled beast retrieved. Metlar sends D'Compose to the power plant for another try. D'Compose rips out of the ground just before dawn and Dr. Bright is unable to help as D'Compose uses his poison to take out the Redwoods who stand guard. The Inhumanoid tears into the plant and makes off with its generator.

Inhumanoids, episode 3: "The Evil That Lies Within, Part 3"

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We last saw our heroes deep in the bowels of the Earth, outside a Granite fortress where the evil Metlar had just been set free by Tendril and D'Compose. Lasers fly and debris is tossed, and Metlar hypnotizes Dr. Bright, Herc, and Sandra Shore, freezing them until he can pick them up and toss them into his magma-boiling gullet. Just before they go down, Liquidator swoops by, macing Metlar with a chemical blast to the face, then Auger tosses a bomb beneath Metlar's foot, knocking the beast to the ground.

Earth Corps regroups and pins down the Inhumanoids while retreating into the Granite fortress. The Granites are missing, but Sandra's sensors reveal they're sheltered in a secret chamber. The Inhumanoids stop to banter about how big of an idiot Tendril is, and then they're attacked by the mysterious figure in the black environmental suit: Blackthorne Shore. He assaults Metlar with magnetic bolts, telling the thrashing and roaring Inhumanoid to bow to his will and help him rule the surface. Earth Corps doubles back and Sandra confronts her brother, but she's attacked by D'Compose while Tendril knocks Blackthorne aside. D'Compose uses his powers to infect Sandra, causing her to twist and grow and take on a monstrous, zombie-like form as she wails "I am one with D'Compose!"

Inhumanoids, episode 2: "The Evil That Lies Within, Part 2"

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Tendril continues ripping through the ruins of Earth Corps HQ, but runs off after Liquidator hits him with a beaker of acid.

At the Shore Foundation, Sandra enters her brother's office just as Blackthorne finishes a call to a Senator where he uses an upcoming election to threaten the man into cutting Earth Corps' funding. Sandra confronts Blackthorne on this, as well as pictures she sees of Tendril being freed by a Shore drilling platform, and as she leaves, a group of his goons jump her. She kicks their asses and drives off.

Inhumanoids, episode 1: "The Evil That Lies Within, Part 1"

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What appears to be a miraculously preserved dinosaur is found in Big Sur national park, fully encased in a massive piece of amber. Journalist Barbara Walker is doing a report on the transportation of the monolith and tries to get a few questions in with Herman "Herc" Armstrong, the armor suited leader of Earth Corps, asking him about reports of strange voices heard by workers at the site of the discovery. Before he has a chance to answer, a shadowy figure in the woods pushes a giant tree on the two. Herc manages to knock Walker out of the way in the nick of time, and the figure is gone.

Our next Showcase will be.... Inhumanoids!

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Noel

A lot of people don't remember that, back when Rhino put out the very first season sets of Transformers and G.I. Joe, they also released a pair of single disc releases for another Hasbro/Sunbow production called Inhumanoids. Only 9 of the show's 13 episodes were included on the discs, and the production quality was awful, with a sound mix that made the background music so faint as to be invisible, even during the opening sequence. Nonetheless, their rarity has made the discs rather pricey collectibles here in the States as, unlike in the UK, they have yet to be replaced by a full series set.