Quark, final thoughts...

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Noel

Earlier this year, Buck Henry sat down for an interview with the website TV Time Machine, where he had this to say about Quark:

Did the show fulfill your vision?

Not remotely. But that's partially my fault. We made the pilot. We could have made it a little better, but we made the pilot and the network didn't say whether they wanted to go ahead for a very long time - months - during which time, I got the offer to go and work with [Warren] Beatty on Heaven Can Wait. And I couldn't turn that one down, so I went away. They started doing the show almost immediately when I went, and I left a number of wishes. Not instructions, because you can't instruct talent, but I wanted them to not lapse into parody. I wanted it to be satire.

Quark, episode 8 "Vanessa 38-24-36"

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At Perma One, everybody is buzzed with good cheer, stringing up decorations and buying presents for Holiday Number Eleven. Palindrome is especially chipper, reassuring Quark that he's got a tasty gig lined up for the Commander. Quark joins two other Commanders for an assignment briefing with the Head - the first finally gets a weekend with his wife, whom he was in the middle of marrying before being sent on a two year mission; the second is put in command of a brand new, top-of-the line starship - and eagerly waits to hear what his mission will be, but all he's told is he'll be the subject of a new experiment. Which has him stewing over the last few experiments he's been the subject of.

Quark, episode 7 "All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms, Part 2"

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We left off with the Betties locked in a room where the walls are closing in, Ficus strapped to a table with a laser about to bisect him, Gene/Jean handcuffed to Andy and disguised as a scientist dragged into a hall to give a lecture on It, and Quark gaping in horror as he learns he's just handed massive cosmic power to the dreaded Zorgon the Malevolent.

Quark, episode 6 "All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms, Part 1"

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While relaxing on his ship between assignments, Quark is contacted by The Head, who tells him about the starship Belcrow, which has spent the last 27 years travelling to our system to form an alliance with the United Galaxy. Quark, as a good-will gesture, is tasked with removing their 27 years worth of garbage. Quark and crew deflatedly set about their task, despite Gene/Jean again voicing hir longing for some heads to break.

Quark, episode 5 "Goodbye, Polumbus"

Before getting into this week's post, we want to say a big thank you to Christopher Mills, who wrote a nice recommendation for our site on his blog Space: 1970, a marvelous collection of 70s science fiction pop culture and nostalgia, which also happens to be where Noel first learned about the series Quark. Alongside this blog, Christopher is a short story and comic book writer (Noel treasures his complete collection of Tekno Comix, for which Mills was an editor alongside writing some great issues of Primortals) and reviews many a film and television show - and the occasional serial - at DVD Late Show.

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On Perma One, The Head is holding his usual assignment briefing for Commanders. Commander Walker, a stubby little asshole of a robot, is to be a representative at an ambrosia tasting festival. Commander Freddy Estrow, a slowly shrinking giant alien Quark used to babysit, is sent on a five-day mission to explore strange new worlds and seek out new civilizations. Commander Quark is told to go to the planet Polumbus and figure out why nobody has ever returned from there alive. Quark panics over the suicide mission, well aware that it's already lost the Confederation eight previous commanders, but Palindrome won't back down and lays the salesman shtick on thick.

Quark, episode 4 "The Good, the Bad, and the Ficus"

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At Perma One, Quark is honored to be introduced to Commander Kroll, who just defeated a Bloaton Brigade, and Commander Stark, who just stole the Gorgon defense plan. When both learn Quark is in charge of garbage collection, they're quick to turn their nose up at him. Getting assignments from The Head, Kroll and Stark are given heroic assignments. Quark is sent after more garbage.

Quark, episode 3 "The Old and the Beautiful"

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Three Commanders are again assembled in Palindrome's office to receive missions from The Head. Commander Haley, a looming alien, is sent on a 30 year mission to a distant planet. Commander Black, a smokin' hot blonde, is sent to personally disarm a batch of Gorgon explosives. Commander Quark is all set for another trash pickup, but he's instead tasked with an extended romantic interlude with a beautiful princess. Both Haley and Black are pissed at their assignments, but Quark is thrilled, even moreso when he learns he's in line for a promotion if the romantic interlude goes well.

Quark, episode 2 "May the Source Be With You"

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At Space Station Perma One, Palindrome is in the midst of a frantic evacuation of all personnel. When three Commanders arrive, he steers them towards the communications room where The Head reveals the Gorgons, the long-standing arch-nemesis of the cosmos, have developed a new weapon of immense and unmatchable powers. The first Commander is told to evacuate all scientists. The second, to evacuate the top secret files. The third, Commander Quark, is tasked with hunting down the Gorgon doomsday ship and destroying it, even at the cost of his own life. Needless to say, Quark has his doubts. All of which are ignored by Palindrome as he gives Quark a metal orb to complete his task, which holds the galaxy's greatest weapon: The Source.

Quark, episode 1

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April 2. 10:17 Galaxy Time. Two vessels drift among the stars. The one in the rear is captained by Adam Quark, a steadfast and sure captain who deftly maneuvers his craft just behind the other. As a countdown starts, the ship in the front craps out a massive bag of garbage, and Captain Quark opens the mouth of his craft to gobble the trash up. Mission completed, he has the ship perform an about face and we see printed on its side United Galaxy Sanitation Patrol.

Our next Showcase will be... Quark!

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Tony

So we're planning out our next few showcases, and Noel suggests Quark. Immediately, I'm thinking the guy from that one Star Trek spin-off must've gotten his own spin-off. "Great. I'm going to spend the next two months following the adventures of an intergalactic bartender." - which could actually be fun if they did it in the spirit of the classic Tom Cruise film Cocktail "Bode's, Omega, ooh, I wanna take ya. Centaurus, Andromeda, come on pretty mama..." Turns out (much to my relief) Quark is actually a sci-fi themed comedy series from the late 70s starring Richard Benjamin (last seen on the back of a carton of milk, I believe).